Yalda Hakim or Sandra Gathmann? Which is the more beautiful presenter? (The test of Paris and the golden apples of Aphrodite).

I haven’t blogged in a while. My predictions about how the ‘special military operation’ by Vlad’ the Invader were completely way off. But then again, so were most everyone else’s. Enough said.

Yet one thing has (almost) always been on my mind, just who is the fairest news presenter: Sandra Gathmann of Al Jazeera, or Yalda Hakim? (Formerly of the BBC, now with Sky ‘Roman [Romulus] Roy’ from that fantastic HBO show Succession starring Brian Cox (the actor), Sarah Snook, Matthew Macfyden. Like Warwick, the Kingmaker, the Rupert Murdoch’s of the world - bearing no semblance to reality, but as Connie Nielsen said in the movie Gladiator “This is a pleasant fiction, isn’t it?”).

Sandra’s great. I mean, is she American, Eastern, Exotic? She has a great accent, and the very finest rack. (Like John O’Reilly said in Taledega Nights “You won’t find another rack like that anywhere, I guarantee it!”). She’s all woman. Every woman. Simply the best? Well, maybe not. Sandra’s dress sense is good. She has class, style, she dresses well. Moreover, the medium to long shots of her now and again (a feature of Start Here) accentuate her Venusinan figure. She’s gorgeous, and a great reporter. A journalist. Professional. A-class.

Then there is the mystical, the magical, Yalda Hakim. Dress sense? Forget it Sandra. Yalda has you hands down on every shot. Yalda’s dress sense is not just discerning, but subtle, it is exquisite. Instead of the trailer park jeans and sometimes gaudy tops Sandra’s sometimes (but by no means always) chooses to wear, Yalda, beats her hands down. She’s the best.

Not only that, but Nature Herself, Mother Earth, has endowed such a woman with an Eastern, exotic quality (matching only Sandra Gathmann). The angular and finer qualities about her visage lend itself to the quality, the style which she presents. Yalda is the presenter’s presenter.

Yet I remember being a musician, in a bar, in a rock band in Belgium, back in the ’90s. I was in Ghent, and the bartender slid me a tiny glass (they only down halves over there). Let me tell you, with the sole exception of playing a gig at another, smaller Belgian micro-brewery, this was the very finest ale you have ever tasted in your life. 10% to boot. Went down like silk in a glass, like a marshmallow pillow coupled with the tastiest woman you’ve ever clapped eyes on then slept with.

It was ‘the Sandra Gathmann’ of ales.

The best. With a gentle smile and a keenness in his eyes, the bartender gifted me another glass of ale. I tried it, and, let me tell you, it was the best ale I have ever tasted, but had a different character to the one I had just sampled, mere moments ago. (And was roughly the same strength, a ten per-cent or so).

It was ‘the Yalda Hakim’ of ales. The best.

Equally, there is something about what Nature herself, Mother Earth, gave to this world, and that, is Yalda Hakim. Her mystique, emerald-green eyes, keen, alight, like fire, aglow. Her disarming assertiveness during interviews, yet always amicable.

But this factor alone is not unlike Sandra Gathmann, if one were to be completely impartial, fair, for both are among the very finest maidens on all the earth: physically, and as intellectuals. They have that charisma, that x-factor: the right stuff, that extra something. You can never put your finger on just quite what it is about them.

She is an enigma. She has mystique. She’s simply the best. (They both are) with Yalda just about winning a photo-finish, to the wire.

(Maxwell Lewis Latham holds a Magister Artium in classical studies, and is a writer).

Pythagorean philosophy and maintaining a positive mental attitude

Dear Diary,

That... place does not bear thinking about. Yesterday the family of the thugs from Eastern Europe swung by. They are... precisely as I had expected (think Borat). The simpleton from the village is also growing increasingly weary. He has switched from doing a (bad) Jamaican yardy accent to a poor imitation of a Chinaman now (many of our colleagues are half-Malaysian, therefore this is in incredibly poor taste). He also pretends to be funny by yelling at the other staff to complete tasks in impossibly small amounts of time. It should be remembered that this person is the slowest at work, but expects people to do tasks in a far shorter time frame than he himself is capable of doing. Last night I caught him - again - sweeping up using only one hand. I confess, I detest this person, but say nothing except only kind words - for it is best to try and be on amicable terms with everyone.

I was reading one of my absolute favourite books yesterday. It really is superb. Heretical? Yes. Of course. But curious nontheless. It is one of the titles from the Prometheus Trust (an outstanding publisher). Thomas Taylor's translations of: Iamblichus, On the Mysteries, Life of Pythagoras and many fragments and testimonia. I have only really looked at On the Mysteries and The Life of Pythagoras before. In doing so, it becomes really quite obvious that this is only one interpretation of Iamblichus' works (when compared to the original ancient Greek). Even so, it is eminently readable. Yesterday, however, I decided to read some of the fragments and testimonia, and there is some really quite excellent advice given on how to live an upstanding and virtuous life. It is a crying shame that none of my colleagues at that... place have not read this work, or works like this, or indeed read any books whatsoever. Anyway: this is the Dark Age. Therefore one cannot expect literature to be among the habits of really quite ordinary and indeed most boring people (that is, my 'noble' and 'learned' colleagues and 'peers' at that... place - as I refer to them satirically to the customers over the telephone).

In his preliminary remarks to his translation of the testimonia, the late (great) Thomas Taylor records an excellent anecdote found in the Suda - a 10th century Byzantine text which is actually crucial to classical studies. This particular anecdote is not actually very pleasant and records a time when there was little religious toleration (and there should be in more enlightened societies).

A commentator on the Golden Verses of Pythagoras, Hierocles, offended the 'prevailers' (probably religious fanatics, fundamentalists). As he was being scourged by in front of a kangeroo 'court' for his 'transgressions' (i.e. being interested in Pythagorean philosophy - hardly a crime in this day and age), Hierocles cupped some of the blood from his whipped back in the small of his hand and flung it at the judge, sprinkling him. Hierocles then said:

Κύκλωψ, τῆ, πίε οἶνον, ἐπεὶ φάγες ἀνδρόμεα κρέα

Cyclops, since human flesh is your delight, now drink this wine. (Homer, Odyssey 9.347 trans. Taylor, 2006 [1822], p.332)

Beyond such anecdotes, there is much wisdom to be found in this book. Here are just a few examples, some of my absolute favourite little aphorisms from the Pythagorean Ethical Sentences preserved by the voluminous (but very important) author Stobaeus (quoted in [trans.] Taylor, 2006 [1822], pp.366-370).

"Be persuaded that things of a laborious nature contribute more than pleasures to virtue."

"It is difficult to walk at one and the same time in many paths of life."

"Neither will the horse be judged to be generous, that is sumptuously adorned, but the horse whose nature is illustrious; nor is the man worthy who possess great wealth, be he whose soul is generous."

"It is better to live lying on the grass, confiding in divinity and yourself, than to lie on a golden bed with perturbation."

"Pythagoras [said that] it is impossible that he can be free who is a slave to his passions."

"Pythagoras said, that it was either requisite to be silent, or to say something better than silence."

Pythagoras being asked, how a lover of wine might be cured of intoxication, answered, if he frequently surveys what his actions were when he was intoxicated."

"Pythagoras being asked, how a man ought to conduct himself towards his country, when it had acted iniquitously with respect to him, replied, as to a mother."

"Travelling teaches a man frugality, and the way in which he may be sufficient to himself. For bread made of milk and flour, and a bed of grass, are the sweetest remedies of hunger and labour."

(This last one is especially relevent to these taxing times...)

"It is the province of a wise man to bear poverty with equinamity."

The weekend (or rather, the absence of)

Dear Diary,

Their impatience reached new heights yesterday at that... place. One driver, a conscientious young man, well educated, softly spoken, from good family, phoned the store to tell them that there was a fire in the middle of the road. That was all the information I received. As it turns out, from the scraps of gossip which fly around, there had - seemingly - been a road accident or collision of some sort, perhaps a biker had come off at speed. I am unsure if anyone was hurt (badly) or not. Possibly the same accident caused the roads intersecting three main villages to stop.

The older thug was astounded that this driver even bothered to call, more so that the young man did as the Fire Brigade had told him: to stay put until they arrive. This orc, this thug, this impatient Eastern European born of the meanest stock, was only concerned with getting deliveries made on time. Not humanity. Not safety. Not well-being or concern for life. Now, had this happened in the mud-splattered village where this plump Pol Pot had grown up in, surely the thug may have been concerned if everyone was alright (after all, these are the people he grew up with, his friends and family), but he isn't in the backwoods and swamps of Eastern Europe any more. He's in Britain, therefore he doesn't care about the people here (unlike native born Englishmen).

I distinctly recall the time I was ordered to stand still at my post when a fire had started. I remember thinking: is this a reasonable order? Or, is this like Grenfell?

I also recall the time when another member of staff had a heart condition, and was working so hard that he began to get heart trouble. The thug barked that he must continuing working. Is this reasonable? What of compassion? What if the man had suffered a heart attack and died?

Since then that same person has left. He told me once that in another store nearby where he was working, a fire had broken out when a piece of machinery had burst into flames. The bosses, as soon as they heard what happened had only one question: when can you start making money again? They did not ask, "Is everybody okay?" This is the way these people operate. They are dictators, unconcerned with human life (except their own).

Is it reasonable that a Latin scholar that holds a master's degree, should have to put up with the orders of these foreign little brutes? Of course not. But this isn't Elizabethan England: it's Dark Age Britain. Here, ignorance is strength. Here, there is no reason. Here, there is only slavery.

Hades and beyond (a new possibility, part time, maybe full time) potentially a good omen

Dear Diary,

Let's not faff about. It's like having been kidnapped by orcs, and goblins, and hobgoblins. That's what it's like, at that... place - the Infernal Regions. D'ya ever see that Lord of the Rings movie, with the Uruk-hai? (I used to play Middle Earth RP btw, and some Role Master). That's what it's like in Hades. There is the oompa loompa, today, a goblin slave girl of Bligh, the orc, her master (he is from Mordor, she is from the East). Today she barks, 'You do not put the gluten free stickers there because of residue. I will have to clean it up.' (quietly forgetting, of course, that it is my duty to clean the cut table, because that is my post at work). I clean it as best I can, cleaning as I go. Anyway.

Bligh was there, as usual, barking like an orc. He's like Joe Pesci from Goodfellas, only half Mickey Rourke in that movie with his oompa loompa Jessica Alba in Sin City.

It's as though heaven's usual order is inverted. Reason. Knowledge. Wisdom. These things are for the misguided. Here, ignorance is strength.

As the lowliest, most meanest, basest slave that ever set foot on this ancient, hallowed and most redoubt of all islands in Neptune's fair maine. It is true, that there has never been so baser slave than me. Nay, not since Julius Caesar (45 B.C.E.) or Aulus Plautius (47 C.E.) dared to set foot on this great island, this demi-paradise, this other heaven, remote, populated by giants, hyperboreans, beyond the north (should Diododorus Siculus be belived) was there any such man so lowly as I, the basest most meanest creature that ever graced these once proud shores.

In any case, work matters ('shop talk') aside, I have been chipping away at little bits of Latin translation. Some Narses the Fourth here (12 century), a little Seneca there, even revisiting Suetonius. It's business as usual. Remaining at peace, and endeavouring to do the very best one can.

The first course ends, new beginnings, old trends

Dear Diary,

It is with some regret that I have arbitrarily decided to jack in the law course (‘module’ as they call it at my alma mater). I have never, ever deferred a single course in my entire 13 years’ history of studying. Not one. However, there is something which must be borne in mind: reason. It is unreasonable for me to study simply for studying’s sake. I admit, I am addicted to studying. I could have a much worse addiction, so on the scale of things, having an addiction to studying is not that bad (comparative degree), but it is still unreasonable, and a passion (the regular noun passio in Latin principally means ‘suffering’). I ought to be ruled by reason, not passion.

I have learnt a little, and one might say just enough, from this module, to be able to write prosaic fiction set in the early 20th century, and I am considering writing a dystopian novel set in the future, based around the way the law system in this (formerly) great nation is headed. I thought perhaps that acquiring a university education (several degrees, I might add…) might actually lead somewhere. But this is not the heyday of the Medici in Florence during the 15th-16th centuries, nor is it Elizabethan England: it’s Dark Age Britain. Naturally, the reason behind my decision to quit the course is pecuniary concerns. I earn a measly 850 bucks a month, though I work six days a week. So couple that with rent and transport (not to mention looking after little Ronulus and indeed thinking about what I should get my daughter for Christmas) I simply can’t afford to shell out 300 bucks a month just to feed an addiction to studying.

In Adam Smith’s Wealth of Nations (which is a great book, by the way), it is stated that a reasonable amount for a person to live on is to have two-thirds of their income as disposable. I cannot subsist on less than 50 bucks a month. I just can’t. It’s simply too much.

Never having deferred a module before, I don’t know what to expect (other than being booted off the course). There may even be some clause in my loan contract making me still liable to pay the fee. Fortunately, the very subject of my course was law, so this works to my advantage. I will make a strong case (should a trial arise against me) whereby I can use what I have learnt to my benefit. Is £1,614 plus interest good value for a book worth only £30? That’s just for starters, without even looking at statutes and case law.

I will miss the university’s databases (of course), but fortunately, I have a magnificent little library, with very many rare books. Who needs the university’s databases when you have a considerably ample book collection? I lived in Cambridge, and bought absolutely every single classics book I could find (and afford), and ordered many more than that. The law, although it’s a nice little hobby and everything, is not my academic specialism. I am a classicist at heart, and that is an area of learning I have expert knowledge in. In fact, my tutor said that she would find it difficult to study any other branch of learning. I almost typed in the tutorial ‘You would make a great classicist’ but deleted it. She has learnt her Latin, so would (probably) enjoy learning ancient Greek.

Leaving the law course will mean that I have more time to enjoy studying ancient Greek. Once I have mastered that language (which will take me a few years), I can then move on to my next ancient language. I have books on how to learn Arabic (not classical Arabic - which comes after learning modern Arabic), books on how to learn to read Egyptian hieroglyphs, and even a lexicon of ancient Hebrew. I have not decided which I will learn next, after ancient Greek, but I am thinking that Aramaic (Hebrew) might be the best option. Thereby I can learn Arabic with relative ease. Egyptian hieroglyphs are… something of an acquired taste. Biblical Hebrew is more important to me, as a Christian. Were I a Muslim or a ‘pagan’ I would most certainly study either of those other two (excellent) languages. It is said that the Al’Quran is the most poetic of the Abrahamic religious texts. It is also said that Egyptian is a most magical language.

The next assignment (should you choose to accept it, as they say) is all about reflection. I reflect a lot on what I have learnt, always. Every single time I discover something I could have done better or find a primary source I may have missed, I make a note of it on the Cloud. I reflect naturally, so no formal academic reflection is necessary. I’ve come too far to change tack now. I have expert knowledge in one particular field (the subject of my master’s degree dissertation was δαίμονες id est ‘spirits’). There would be little to be gained by wasting my time on a subject which - while laudable - is actually for poor people. Criminal law is a subject for people that wish only to be extremely poor. Did you know that a newly made criminal barrister earns less than someone that cleans toilets for living? (In Dark Age Britain, at least. One cannot speak of civilised countries, where studying criminal law actually means something). So, cui bono? The government, is who. It’s a guinea pig project, this current module (first cohort). Even the tutors can’t read the students’ responses. What do you imagine the second part of the current assignment is? The rubric begins with ‘Imagine you are working for the UK government, under a Member of Parliament…’ Now tell me this is not a pet project for the government. I am not about to be just another guinea pig in a thankless and servile society, which, on the one hand pretends to be somehow ‘honourable’ and ‘civilised’, when, in actual fact, the machinery of the executive is actually engaged - for the most part - in two areas of business (both are shady). One: offshore tax havens for the super rich, and two: arms deals. All the while, the rest of us are as poor as church mice. Did you know that in France (a most excellent and indeed civilised country), commoners such as myself earn 25% more than in Britain? And that middle class earners earn 20% more than in Britain? Moreover, if you held a master’s degree in classical Latin in France, you can be damn sure, that that actually means something (unlike here, now, in Dark Age Britain).

Time to think, gettin' it done, irons in the fire (it'll work out fine)

Dear Diary,

I’ve had little time to myself recently. I’ve been studying a lot, so much that I get burnt out and have to lie down for a while, then up and at ‘em as soon as I awake. I remember once that there was some psychological phenomenon which is the reason that my alma mater structures lectures within a particular time-frame. I don’t really understand it (because I’m not a psychology major) but from what I have heard, the upshot is that study sessions are structured in 40-45 segments, with a 15 minute break in between the two. I remember on the Magister Artium another student had problems focusing, getting stressed out with the sheer workload of writing his dissertation, so he adopted this framework, and instead of pushing, and pushing, and pushing, until you burn yourself out, he took breaks every 40-45 minutes or so, and it meant he actually got more work done (strangely).

Up until recently, I have taken this same approach to study as I take to work (keep pushing, keep pushing, no breaks, except maybe one five minute break). This is not doable. It is better, far better, to approach tasks with a clear mind, well rested, focused, so you can apply yourself fully to the job at hand without feeling constantly fatigued and worn out.

Hades is still a pain in the backside, but I’m handling it, just about. Taking orders from gossiping, uncouth teenagers (subductisupercilicarptores) is wearing pretty thin. Today, however, some translation company finally got back to me, after a month. They want me to work freelance (self-employed) which I am not actually that okay with. Sure, if I had my own company, or worked as a barrister, that would be fine, but not (necessarily) for some little translation company. There’s no job security, and very few workers’ rights, as Uber found out (the hard way…) with their employees. Still, I might take it, maybe. It seems pretty rich, this company taking a month to get back to me, and then expecting me to complete a number of really quite taxing tests within the space of an hour or so, and then maybe move on to tests which have to do with translation. To me, if I hire another musician, the music comes first, their ability to play well. Likewise, if I am doing translation work, the translation comes first, and all other abilities are secondary to this. That’s a little difficult for this firm to understand (and Britain in general). To be a musician, one has to be able to not only play a musical instrument, but play it well. To be a translator, one has to not only be able to translate, but translate well. Call me old fashioned, but this is the way I do things. I feel I will do quite well with my own firm.

The law course is still looming, and I made some progress with that today. I have a few irons in the fire. My latest little one (inspired by a friend of mine that I had a video call with late last night) is getting back to my roots. The reasons I went to university in the first place (and this is being honest), are three: (1) to prove to the (late, great) savant Didier Deman that the British won the Battle of Waterloo in 1815. (2) Failing that, to become a lecturer in ancient history (inspired by my - gorgeous - ex-girlfriend Fanny, that said, “You would make a great history teacher.”). (3) When asked at my first lecture why I was there, I answered honestly: to acquire the knowledge I need to make games. I actually have had to ween myself off playing games (particularly Empire: TW) and instead dedicate myself to studying. However, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, and the gaming industry makes the classical studies business look like David compared to Goliath. Very many more people are interested in playing frivolous games than are interested in seriously studying. So, I have begun designing a game which is magical in nature. It draws from a variety of different other past experiences gaming, and combines my knowledge of hermetic philosophy, history, mythology, magic, folk-lore and much else besides. The only thing I’m missing is artwork. I put an advertisement on some artists’ website today and received a response from a reasonable artist (in terms of both rates and ability). At this particular juncture in history, AI art is fantastic, but I actually prefer people to machines.

Anyway, that’s just little games, and although - in truth - will probably generate a lot more revenue in the business, it is not where my heart is: my heart is - and always will be - in Latin literature, everything from the Biblia Sacra Vulgata to the writings of the great Latin masters: Virgil, Ovid, Propertius, Tibullus, Juvenal, Plautus, Martial, Cicero, Terence, Ammianus Marcellinus, Macrobius, Manilius, and many many more (this is not even mentioning many of the great medieval Latin authors). Libelli Classics is nearly at the point of lift off, and although it has been at this ‘future participle’ point (id est ‘on the point of being, very nearly about to happen’) for a long while now, in two weeks I will have the source code I need to publish my first book (courtesy of that colleague at work). As an aside, I also write a lot of poetry, and I am reading the phenomenal Milton at the moment. There is such a nice passage in his Paradise Lost which I will share with you now.

…so lovely fair,
that what seemed fair in all the world, seemed now
mean, or in her summed up, in her contained
and in her looks; which from that time infused
sweetness into my heart, unfelt before,
and into all things from her air inspired
the spirit of love and amorous delight.
She disappeared, and left me dark; I waked
to find her, or for ever to deplore
her loss, and other pleasures all abjure:
when out of hope, behold her, not far off,
such as I saw her in my dream, adorned
with what all Earth or Heaven could bestow
to make her amiable: On she came,
led by her heavenly Maker, though unseen,
and guided by his voice; nor uninformed
of nuptial sanctity, and marriage rites:
Grace was in all her steps, Heaven in her eye,
in every gesture dignity and love.
I, overjoyed, could not forbear aloud.
This turn hath made amends; thou hast fulfilled
thy words, Creator bounteous and benign,
giver of all things fair! but fairest this
of all thy gifts! nor enviest. I now see
bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh, myself
before me: Woman is her name; of Man
extracted: for this cause he shall forego
father and mother, and to his wife adhere;
and they shall be one flesh, one heart, one soul.
She heard me thus; and though divinely brought,
yet innocence, and virgin modesty,
her virtue, and the conscience of her worth,
that would be wooed, and not unsought be won,
not obvious, not obtrusive, but, retired,
the more desirable; or, to say all,
Nature herself, though pure of sinful thought…

John Milton, Paradise Lost (Book 8, lines 471-506).

Sortition - a threat to democracy?

Dear Diary,

While studying this law course at university, we were presented with a TED lecture which argues for sortition. This is essentially a random selection process for a nation's ruler(s). When I was quite young, and certainly uneducated, I gravitated towards this same idea, calling it a 'randomocracy'. While seemingly appealing on the face of it, once one delves further into this idea, it is actually a very dangerous proposition. Let us examine my own household.

Let us suppose that either of my housemates were to be randomly selected as the nation's leader. In the first case: Euclio. We played some silly board game in which we were supposed to run a country together. Euclio, instead of helping the team as best he could (as everyone else did), did all he could to consolidate his own personal power base, accrue as much money as he could, and scuppered any bills passed by the others, simply to cast the cat among the pigeons. Imagine if Euclio were chosen at random to be Britain's Prime Minister. Wars would be started on a whim. There would be much more corruption. Euclio would act in the same way, leaving the nation to hang, while he creamed off as much money as possible. The nation would very soon be paralysed, starving, without electricity and most likely, annexed by a foreign power. So we can rule out Euclio as being Britain's Prime Minister.

What about the other? I suppose that this gentleman's criminal record may very well invalidate him from becoming Prime Minister. Yet even if criminals were permitted, how much more corruption would be rife if crooks were permitted to run the nation?

Moreover, there is no such thing as 'random' when it comes to computers (and in this day and age, the 'random' selection would probably be done via computers). Computers generate pseudo-random numbers, kind of like a wheel with numbers on, that turns a number of notches. As evidence of this, a friend of mine (a very gifted programmer) once generated a random height map for a game he was writing. On the first generation of it, the hills, when looked at from above, generated a face with a smile. This is evidence that there is no such thing as 'random' when it comes to computers.

The lecturer cited the κληρωτήριον (incorrectly mentioning it in the plural, therefore betraying the speaker's lack of knowledge when it comes to Latin and ancient Greek). It is fanciful to imagine that back in the 5th century B.C.E. or even the heyday of Rome, that things were much better than they are now. This is a rose-tinted view of the ancient world, and many people indulge this nonsense. For example, no women or slaves had any say in ancient Athenian 'democracy'. Moreover, there are some (mentioning no names) that believe that the dream-temples of Asclepius should be brought back. Yet reading Aelius Aristides, it is clear that whatever spirit(s) visited him in his dreams, was not a good spirit. The being bade him to jump into a freezing cold river in the middle of winter, then cover himself with mud and walk around the town naked. This is not a good thing, just as returning to Athenian style 'democracy' is not a good thing. Democracy is precious, and for all politicians' faults (which are very many), a good many politicians go into politics to help bring about positive change. It would be cynical to take the view of House of Cards, and have no faith in democracy (even if House of Cards and Yes, Minister have much in common with Britain's political system). Sortition is not an answer. It is a dangerous idea that could potentially throw many nation states into chaos, without law, order and most of all: democracy. The electoral mandate is what gives a party legitimacy. It is not because a ruler has been pulled out of a hat.

In other news, England plays Iran today in the World Cup. Even if this is a nation of money launderers and arms dealers, without honour, I will support England, if only because I was born here.