Boned

Dear Diary,

The gig went well, we made a tidy sum in the contributions pot, then the house whisked it away, gave us only the note, a few coins, and our usual pitiful amount. This is disheartening. I’ve barely, enough to survive, but it’s better than nothing. We’ve a couple more gigs coming up, it could be worse.

Needless to say I had to budget. No food, just baccy and booze. It’s Saturday night, fcuk. I have appointment with Mike McLeod. Discussing novel writing. On the Flex.

Maximus Fleximus Latratus Latium. Cert.H.E. (Humanities) with History specialism.

Wasting away

Dear Diary,

Strange how shopping is free for mentalists such as Barb’ up the road, but for those not on two-ton a week giro, living on thin-air, free food is not an option. I suppose that is the price of sanity.

I’ve been banned from blogging at the Uni’ again. An investigation is underway. No-one pays me any attention anymore. It doesn’t matter - I’ll just waste away.

Wattpad refused to accept that my story came under the category of Romance, so I deleted it. I have better things to do with my time, such as fighting beggars for scraps of pavement, just so I don’t die of starvation.

Max.

Getting In Print

Dear Diary,

Wattpad have a tantalising new contest out, “So You Think You Can Write?” Here’s the rubric.

“Stories submitted for this contest must reflect the ...Adult theme... This genre focuses on characters between the ages of 18 and 25, who are dealing with a time of choice, independence and risk-taking. ... face significant change: college, new jobs, falling in love, sexuality, military deployment, moving from depending on family to being self-reliant. ... a time of taking risks and discovery.

...Adult stories contain a level of sexual tension between the protagonists, but whether you write love scenes or prefer to fade to black, the choice is up to you... Romance is the most important emotional element. As well, the hero and heroine should have strong and important connections to secondary characters who add depth to the story. ...your most important task is to create characters with whom readers will fall in love.”

So essentially they want steamy sex stories and/or whimsical love scenes, whilst a didactic element must be ever present in order to awaken the younger generation to the rigours of independent life in autonomy.

I am going to rise to the challenge: fifty-large words comin’ up, with the first five grand grabbing their attention. Nothing ventured: nothing gained. So, you think you can write? Yes, I can actually.

Right now though, I have a gig to get to, so must away to play, for scant pay. A meal. All on my todd. Time to man up Maxwell, and face the world.

Max.

Time Away

Dear Diary,

Networks are always a nightmare. Yesterday we tried to play co-op Rome II Total War. Having two machines capable of running it, running on Win7 & 8. Seemingly cross-over cables are not needed now. Alas, the game never got off the ground, too many snags, drag man. That’s a bummer.

No matter, I should be getting on with my studies. Yesterday I finished translating a tract from Pompey. It was quite satisfying, and I adore my new koboMini. It doesn’t damage my eyes like ’puter screen or smartphone.

Right now I am enjoying travelling through Somerset. It’s peaceful. I am looking forward to tomorrow. A gig, meaning food, a little coin, and an old time live music session. Groovy.

Slabbi has invited me to La Fortesa for a halloween party! :) I am going to Catalunya. Monserrat once more. Mountains Gandalf.

Maximus.

Total War Masterclass (Ultimate Tactics)

Total War Tactics, any version.

Okay you lucky dogs, here are the untold tactics for most any version of the Total War series of strategy games (T.B. with R.T. battle).

Delli’s strategem: “If a settlement is losing you money and being disorderly: just sack it.” By sacking, we mean exterminate. Caution though, once started down this track, one must be not afraid to keep sacking it, any time it gives you hassle. Another tip is to raze the Temple and construct one to your own God, so that the people that grow up there are indoctrinated favourably. Warning, do so only when you have a (decent) general stationed there, or you’ve just razed it. (Unless it gives you a trade bonus). Also, in Mediæval, one must have a general with ‘dread’ and not Chivalry in order to do that.

Another Delli tip (elaborated from Conan’s original tactic). Manually merge armies but only once they are in-training at a settlement. This will give you a favourable outcome and can elevate rookies to veterans at one simple click and drag.

Guinness’ tactics: Hire mercenaries. I, personally do not like most mercenaries, but admit that sometimes it is worth it. Mine own tactic is to disband them as soon as the battle is over. I sometimes keep cheaper ones.

Conan’s tactics: Keep any building that benefits trade, build roads and ports first and foremost. Anything that increases trade.

Max’s tactic: On Mediæval, put merchants only on secluded islands, exclusively on commodities that are worth something (tobacco, chocolate, honey et cetera). This way, assassins and rival merchants cannot touch you - providing you have naval supremacy.

Delli’s battle tactics: Make good use of artillery from the high ground, ensuring they are protected.

Conan’s battle tactics: Never enter battle. Use armies of agents to assassinate enemy generals then move in and automatically resolve. Fast-moving cavalry armies, with just a few mercs hired to carry the siege equipment, once having arrived at the target settlement.

Max’s diplomatic policy: Ally with your enemies enemy.

Conan’s diplomacy: Never ally with anyone.

Delli’s diplomacy: Pay me tribute or die.

Maximus Fleximus Latium.

The End of an Era

Dear Diary,

...and so ended the Great Banjo War of 2012-2013 Common Era. Alas, such a lengthy and hard-fought struggle emerged with no victor save for liberty. Rosie Rushton-Stone finally capitulated, and Maxwell has his phone free from being fecked with. I had considered writing another ‘title fight’ piece of creative writing (which, like my R.T.W.:B.A. post, is lastingly popular).

However, it is not correct to do so, therefore it follows that Catharsis is not in good taste.

In-fact, I am going to delete a large section of this blog right now.

Max.

The Gig

Five Jive gig diary. Gig #2, The King’s Head. So far so bad. Dad is stressed out, this is a nightmare shambles. The Landlord had just as stern a look about him where he be normally affable. Father would rather I didn’t drink, so I snuck out some strong scrumpy in my gig bag. I am now sat in the loo ‘getting changed’ (i.e. downing a couple of pints before we begin). Lord help me. I am so damn nervous. More to follow...

As premeditated, Dadio didn’t permit me to drink any victuals. Alas, I am now nicely sozzled, having downed two pints of Mad Hatters homemade scrumpy. Arr! Wasted mate. The sound check was a complete non-event seeing as the double-bass player took off for tea. I am about to take the stage on my own and play some slide. On me Jack Jones. Should be good...

Well, I mounted the stage, liquored-up, well-oiled, seriously On the Flex, like never before. You would not Adam and Eve it. Some guy in the audience came up-to me and said, “That was f- excellent!” Yeah, I know. I lived it. The best was yet to come. ‘Ain’t seen nothin yet...

As per usual, the band got off to a rocky start (especially seeing as the new piano-player, Cymræg, had n’er played with us before). Yet, within sixteen bars the band had it together. In time, in tune. Solo after solo it was Rock ’n Roll, like you ’ain’t never seen before. Straight up. I can’t describe just how great this evening was. At one point my old man said across the mic’, “That’s mah son playin’ the gee-tar!” In the middle of my solo. It was spectacular.

Then, as were leavin’, a fight broke out. I offered to back the Landlord and Lady out. No help was required. We took off.

Max.

Fair-weather ‘friends’

Dear Diary,

It’s the morning, let’s have a rant, and why not?

First thing to get my back up is Josh Thomas. The geek was having a D&D session, and I just knew I wasn’t invited. It’s okay, sort of; except that he did in-fact invite me, then ‘cancelled’ at the last minute. I caught the rest of the group all role-playing, and I don’t care. I shouldn’t be playing silly games anyway, but focusing on my education. Role-playing ruined my first shot at becoming educated, I am not about to fail a second time. Screw that jive. Intellect is a precious gift, and I am not about to fritter away my time playing pointless games. I just wish Josh could have been honest with me. I appreciate honesty, in the preface to Thomas Hobbes’ translation of Thucydidēs, Hobbes states that honour is equivocal to honesty. This is because of the etymology, rooted in the word is Latin. Besides, Josh tried to steal a treasure dice from me once. I caught him, he returned it. I would much rather have friends who are completely honest and not thieves, so things have worked out for the better. I am thoroughly enjoying learning Latin, so ’tis of no consequence.

Another guy, Matthew Austin. He was my best friend at school, and now he doesn’t want to be my friend on F.B. Admittedly I did un-friend him some years ago, because I was on the run from some gypsy types and thought they may have been masquerading as him on-line. I was silly. That was eight years ago. Now he doesn’t want to know me. It’s okay. He’s a photographer. This is a vocation I have no respect for. It is simply “click” on an electronic device. A photograph is information: it is not art.

Speaking of FaceBook. The Vice Chancellor of our hallowed University said recently, “The O.U. is a community.” and I ’ain’t in it. Yes, it is true that I study, hard, and am incredibly gifted, intellectually, musically, linguistically. Yet, the fact that the O.U. have blocked me on F.B. bugs the hell out of me. Being banned from blogging is bad enough. It is highly unlikely that they would ever give me a job anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. The world is far larger than Milton Keynes, and in truth this country has never appreciated my artful intellect. I have had much more resounding success abroad. They only take the top few percent of the crop anyway, and that rules me out. I have said too much already. I yearn to be a part of the flock, but fear I shall only be fully appreciated elsewhere.

Last night Dad shut Ronulus Barcius in the porch all night. The little fella’ howled and bayed for his master all night. This morning Dad took his food away and shut him outside in the cold. No food. No water. Outside in the cold. Right now he is curled up next to me. I love him more than anyone. He is my family.

So, thieves, phoney artists and people who do not care for animals properly annoy me to buggery. No matter. Ron is okay now, and I have some more Latin to be getting on with.

On a good note, Rosie is no longer tampering with my iPhone, only attacking my YouTube channel. This means I can get on with my Latin work, unmolested. The serpents sleep, silently flickering forked tongues every-so often. I wonder how long that will last?...

Maximus Latium.

Translationese to poesy

Dear Diary,

This is the last day that Fairyn is here, now she is off with the cRaZy cat-lady from down the road. Those two get on like a house on fire, at the very least it gets her out of my hair for tonight.

If you thought that being a would-be scholar was tough, try learning Classical Latin. This is my most arduous challenge yet, and I am relishing it. Tonight I began the translation for my assignment. An extract about one of Plautus’ plays about a prostitute. After doing a quick translationese style meticulous word for word precise transliteration, I verified a few lines and words I was unsure of via Google. My translation was spot on. I have a good feel for translation, and comprehending French helps immensely.

I cannot wait to get these assignments out of the way, so I can focus on archæology. I love it. All of it. So long as the subject-matter is related to the study of history or classics, I yearn to have more and more intellectual sustenance from the fruitful plot of Higher Education.

My next task is to translate the set piece into a poetry, capturing the spirit of each sentence whilst hammering them into the iambic pentameter. Marlowe would be proud.

Tomorrow I set off to a gig up-north. Naturally I will take all my Latin books with me.

Stay On the Flex,

Maximus.

Another day, another dollar

Dear Diary,

Today got off to a rocky start, I forgot my keys, Olly was in good humour yet masked by a black dog of sourness that poisoned the spectacular occasion. After returning home, I found my keys (in the door, where I left them). We struck up ‘gainst booming stereo bass-lines, the show was almost a write off. Thankfully Max’s optimism kept our spirits high, and we saw the job through to its conclusion. In amidst competition from four other local musicians, we retained the regular residency. Fed. Paid. (Albeit a pitiful amount).

We went for another drink, philosophised a little, then headed back into town.

Wherein was found the cellist and composer who had seen us earlier on in the day. Olly stayed there sloshed, I had to leave. Fairyn is off in Glastonbury, and I dine alone, happily, with Ronulus Barcius (whom I adore more than anyone in the world, never before has any man had such a faithful and true companion). It’s all good.

On the Rosie front: She freed my phone up only after I arrived home from work (i.e. when I needed it the most). Now I have my iPhone back, for a time at least. The serpentine mass of hair will surely become aggravated and begin to twitch and squirm: she will hack me again (if the last year and a half is anything to go by...) but for now at least, is peace. Thank God.

Maximus Fleximus Latium.

Post-Script: Upon waking up the next morning, I go to see if my YouTube videos I re-tagged yesterday are still searchable. Sure enough Rosie Rushton-Stone has hacked my account again and made them all undefined. She is surely evil.