Wrong-un

Dear Diary,

Where the f- am I? What have I done today? The blogoholic strikes again. I refused the offer of two jam-sessions, just to stay in and have a curry chez Larry.

Anyway, needless to say I was dragged down the dive: the pub. My old residency and local.

I went to my local, shamed, disgraced, from having bailed-out sheepishly from the resident gig last Sunday. Bummer. I had to make my excuses to many regulars as well as the landlady.

The locals asked me to sing them a song. Me being me, I managed to squeeze my way back into favour, through playing a kick-ass set, sat at the bar. In full-view of all the base and common not to mention the high-brow clientele.

We then promtly headed to a house party, where people are playing off the wall scatty BS. Numerous acts played. Well I say 'played' and what I mean of course is 'make noise'. Electro. Tinny. Trebelly. Fizzy sounding. Monophonic not polyphonic, as acoustic music is. Fortunately there were a handful of fine women. Unfortunately two of them left, but another arrived. A woman I had met a while ago.

The piano player was good, but the upright had too many ringers. Man these 'guitarists' were ... average; and I mean, very average. Even before they had plugged-in, playing with their backing tracks, I affirmed my supremacy by playing a few ditties on "Lilly". One of the 'guitarists' said "I wish I could play like that." Of course, naturally.

The second act was some lone 'guitarist' who played very loud and out of tune. During his rendition of "Hey Jude" (with waaay too much distortion) as he ran through the number using only three chords, I shouted out "D!". The man heard and played a D. How can one mess up playing such a simple tune? Wassuk.

Then, on the way home I met a man who's girlfriend (some years ago) wanted a threesome. The guy was bi' and said to me "I'll suck your cock." to which I replied, "No you won't". Repeatng he said "I'll suck your cock." "No you will not."

He had just bought a guitar and wanted me to teach him how to play it. Like they all do. No.

What a shite night. I could have been jamming on the beach with Cousin, or playing near to the translator/flutist whom I do so adore, alas no. I decided to get my old job back (which I managed) and attend some BS jam session. A very average evening all in all.

On the Flex,

Maxx.