No-one reads this shit anyway so...

Dear Diary,

Maximus and Ronulus are going to make good their escape in half a day’s time. Just like last year, I asked Ron’, “Do you want to go home mate?” The moment I had uttered the word home Ronulus went ballistic, tail wagging, jumping around like he’s back at the gig, an ever expectant look in his eye that says, “I thought you said we we’re getting out of here! Why aren’t we leaving already?!” There there Ronulus. Not long now mate.

Since the falling out with Dad I’ve been on the wagon, and today I ran out of tobacco. Luckily I am a monk so need nothing except some rainwater, a bowl of organic whole-food short-grain brown rice, and perhaps a little snuggle with Ronulus from time to time. So long as he’s okay: I’m okay.

I’ve been trying to escape here for several days now, and only just about managed it on the day of the gig. Since then I have had to fabricate an elaborate deception in order to take flight from this God-forsaken place of windswept solitude.

I told father I have a gig on New Year’s Eve, which is true. Another historian from our hallowed institution invited me, the man is a trooper, and a friend. It will be nice to catch up. Of course, what I didn’t tell father was that I need to get away to do my TMA which is due in less than one week’s time.

It’s not that bad. This morning I saw two magpies and the falcon again, magnificent animals. I also had a letter from my tutor explaining how to avoid the pitfalls in the next essay, which was very helpful indeed. I figure, for this one, I am going to write how I feel about it all, then submit a second spurious draft, that steps in-line with what the set text says. Fcuk it. I just don’t care. It is not possible that cities are identical everywhere, but sociologists, in their infinite wisdom say they are the same everywhere; so I must write a load of conformist waffle, Chomsky style, and just jump right through that hoop like a good little student.

I talked about this with the other student/graduate I met the other day. She explained that I must just do as they ask, then I will pass. So long as I stick to the script, everything will be fine.

1) No-one ever set foot on American soil from outside America until Columbus arrived, societies there evolved in complete isolation to Europe or Asia. (I know this is absolute bollocks but I must write it anyway).

2) Cities are precisely the same, and always have been, wherever you are in the world, and whenever cities have existed throughout history. (Again, complete hogwash, but this is what they want me to write).

I cannot afford to do another degree after this one, so I am just going to have to shut the fcuk up, and write what they want to hear; lest I n’er will fulfil my dream of gaining a degree.

It is highly likely that I will not ever become a history teacher, at Uni’ level. Nor will I ever become a successful author. Nobody has any interest in what I have to say anyway. I shall most likely just disappear on the Continent somewhere. I like playing music, and have very few opportunities here. As Tim Curry said, “You must become successful in your home country before you can achieve world-wide success.”

I heard a cracking quote yesterday. Classical comes from the Latin word classicus meaning ‘first class’. A person well versed in the Classics.