In my place of work they sing. The words "don't give up your day-job" spring to mind, for my "learned" colleagues are… more than a little out of tune, to say the least. Recently, the idea has been bandeyed about of forming a band, called "Savage Kitchen". I suggested a number of songs: Those potatoes won't peel themselves, Keep that [dish-washing] Machine Going, and One Brulé [One Ovid, One Vergil]; the B-side to the concept album includes such tracks as She has a bun in the oven, Hot Muffin, and Don't be nasty: show us your pasty. It is a base and really sad state of affairs, because not only does the album lack any decorum or respect for those of the fairer-sex, but the contralto (K.P. Dan) has broken up the band and got another job; which means that the barbershop quartet is only left with a tenor (Colin), a soprano (Dolor) and the basso-fortuno (the chef Dan). Accordingly, I have taken his place as contralto, and will of course, compose all the music, and accompany them on the piano (while the others play the spoons, or percussion on saucepans).
Some songs are too controversial to put on the album, songs such as Forbidden Waitress, she's only eighteen, and Don't be shy: show us your pie [hole]. It is really the gutter. We were thinking of covering Spinal Tap: "Big bottom, big bottom, talk about beef-cakes my girl's got 'em.", but the copyright infringement means we cannot not do so.
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