When I was very young, at secondary school (one of what then was known as the Spartan - as opposed to Athenian - house) the Olympic champion Kriss Akabusi arrived to speak to us children one day. He began his speech with just three letters: P.M.A. Positive Mental Attitude. This left an impression upon me, as a tender child, and has remained with me ever since. One must always have a positive mental attitude, in whatever challenge or endeavour one undertakes.
However, I am not 14 any more. I'm 43. Let's just say that "life" (subsistence) has ground me down to the point that I actually much prefer Juvenal than Homer or Virgil. I know full well that there is no kind of success or hope here, in Dark Age Britain. I had just as well be in Mariupol than Dark Age Britain (at least there life would be exciting and not dull to the point of wanting to commit suicide). Anyway, I confess, I have a psychological block which prevents any kind of progess, and I am only too aware that the only way to break through this invisible barrier is by following Kriss Akabusi's advice: maintain a positive mental attitude, in spite of all adversity.
I remember once being at the University campus, and hearing a fellow student's challenges. He was a man that was in the military (the greatest and most laudable of all occupations), and was abused as a child. He also fell into a bad crowd when young, but surmounted these challenges and became a man. He described such an invisible barrier which was stopping him from making any forward progess. He described the very day that this invisible barrier was broken down, and he was able to make his way, unhindered through life. It was at this point that God appeared to him. Just then (and I am not joking), God, showed up. Even before he said it, I felt His presence. The guy said, "Can you feel it?" I said, "I already did." Just as soon as He arrived He left. This was precisely on the Summer Solstice, and our alma mater is in a particularly special place, in terms of Sacred Geometry.
The feeling (though indescribable in mere words) was one of pure benevolence, pureness, goodness, nothing earthly or untoward, but pure goodness. I felt it, as did he. God, showed up. Whether you believe or not is no matter, for He exists, and that is beyond any petty attempts at disproving His existence or not. There are those that know, and those that merely suppose or conjecture. Christ exists. There's no doubt about it.
In any case, I find myself at an impasse. I must break through that invisible barrier, as my fellow student did. It is not a difficult challenge. All it means is computer programming. It is not even a first or second generation language (such as Machine Code or Assembler) but a sixth generation high level language, child's play to someone like my twin brother (a telecommunications software engineer). Yet I am not a techie, I'm a translator, a poet, an artist, a musician. Even so, if I want to break through this invisible barrier I'm going to have to read about it and learn it, like I know Latin verb conjugations or noun declensions, like I know the lines on my own hand (palmistry). It's a challenge, and the longer I put it off, the worse it will get. For the moment I subsist in Hades, the Infernal Regions, Tartarus: the fast food industry. It is the same job I did as a teenager, then as an undergraduate in my thirties, a post graduate and now a so-called 'master'. It's unskilled labour for minimum wage, at the behest of teenaged bosses. Why? Because this is Dark Age Britain, no doubt about it. When our PM says "higher paid higher skilled jobs" don't believe him. Because they don't exist. It's all hot air, rhetoric, meaningless, all aimed to garner votes, that's all it is, sophistry. We studied the same subject, so know how it works: to make the weaker argument appear the stronger. There are those that believe, and those that only pretend to believe. There are true brothers (and sisters) of the faith, and hollow shells.
Max.
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