Fact: constantly thinking about aliens drives you nuts.

Dear Diary,

When the words ‘heroin’ and ‘aliens’ are mentioned in the same paragraph alarm bells start ringing: “nut-bar”, “fruit-loop” and “scam”. I read ‘agent buried alive’ the other day, and naturally was every bit as intrigued as I was sceptical. Here’s how it is.

1) Anybody who dwells too much thinking about the so-called ‘Illuminati’ (the Freemasons, effectively) and aliens from another planet drives themselves into a state of hysteria, so much so that they end up crazy. Fact. I’ve seen it happen time and time and time again. The more they meditate on it, the more all they can think about or talk about is f- aliens this and secret BS that.

2) Phil Schneider said that there are several elements from aliens that are not on the periodic table. This is complete BS. I have spoken to Geo-scientists on this matter and the periodic table of elements is complete. Anyone who believes this BS is gullible and stupid. It’s a case of bad science.

3) The guy who wrote A.B.A. earns a tonne a week from his website.

4) Not every theory can be dismissed, let us keep an open mind. There were several points when I have experienced similar things to skip-matey-me-old-flapper (author of A.B.A.) such as viewing sound as a transparent ripple, and also a connection with my twin brother (telepathy, feeling pain, etc.) so one cannot dismiss what he says, as evidently these phenomenon exist, they’re just not well researched.

5) Even if aliens did exist, so what? Who gives a f-? They’re obviously not ready to reveal themselves, so who cares man?! I have witnessed UFOs above Brittany. So what?

6) If you believe all the hype, you’re naive. There is more to life than conspiracy theories, such as having fun, happiness, love.

7) David Icke drives a black Lamborghini. He has obviously done very well out of peddling BS.

8) The conspiracy theory is just that: a theory. It’s a smoke screen to distract people from what’s really going on. The theory is put out there to scare the population and other nations into thinking that certain western governments have ‘alien’ technology. Such BS.

9) If you don’t wake up and snap out of it, you’ll spend the rest of your life worrying about shit that doesn’t exist, and before you realise it, life will have passed you by.

10) Don’t worry: be happy.